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The Facts of Life

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April 2 – 19, 2015

Diversionary Cabaret

The Facts of Life: The Lost Episode

   By Jamie Morris (Mommy Queerest, Re-Designing Women)
Mrs. Garrett and her girls find themselves in a wet-and-sticky wicket when their beloved Eastland School is scheduled to close due to budget cuts. To save their beloved alma mater, the girls resort to anything and everything to make ends meet in this high-energy parody of the vintage coming-of-age sitcom.

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Jamie Morris as Mrs. Garrett

Charlie Logan as JO

Kevane Coleman as Tootie

Tony Houck as Blair

Ashton Shawver as Natalie

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“The cast and designers of Facts of Life: The Lost Episode have triumphed by doing low comedy with high production values. “


BevNap Productions Presents:

The Facts of Life

A Diversionary Cabaret!

Saturday, March 21st, 2015 (San Diego, CA) –

The Dallas Voice calls him the “master of the drag-spoof” and the Dallas Observer says he “hasn’t met a classic TV sitcom he didn’t want to turn into an R-rated, cray-cray gay romp.” Comedy parody playwright Jamie Morris returns to San Diego’s Diversionary Theatre with back-to-back runs of two of his most popular plays,The Facts of Life: The Lost Episode, and The Silence of the Clams.

First up on April 2 for a three week run is Morris’ musical comedy twist of one of the most popular sitcoms from the 80s, The Facts of Life. His “Lost Episode” features – as does all of his plays – an all-male cast who re-tells the story of Mrs. Garrett and her “girls” from the Eastland School. When an evil scorned headmaster has it out for Edna and wants her gone, Blair, Jo, Tootie and Natalie devise a plan to keep her. Turns out they will do anything to keep Mrs. Garrett. Anything. Soon they are turning tricks and raising more money than they ever dreamed. Think The Best Little Whorehouse meets The Facts of Life.

As the sitcom’s popular theme song proclaimed, “You take the good, you take the bad.” Well, these girls take it all.

“The Facts of Life: The Lost Episode” premiered in 2004 in Provincetown, MA where Provincetown Magazine said “John Waters would be proud of Morris who has managed to turn a sweet, little sitcom into porn.” The Provincetown Banner added: “If the sitcom had been this funny it might still be on the air.”

After two successful, sold-out runs in New York the critics agreed. HX Magazine called the show a “raunchy, side-splitting musical spoof. So wrong in so many ways!” and Time Out New York simply called it “deliciously nasty!”

“Facts” also enjoyed a sold-out run in Dallas, where the show was extended three times and became the most successful show in the history of the Uptown Players. It was also named the #2 Ballsiest Show in Dallas by Pegasus News. And the Column Awards (the People’s Choice of Dallas) showered the show with a slew of nominations including Best Play and a nod for every actor in the production.

The reviewer from the Dallas Observer noted of her experience: “I wheezed so hard laughing that the guys next to me asked if I was having an asthma attack.”

The show also enjoyed a sold-out run in Los Angeles, where the producers and cast were nominated for a 2009 Weho Award for Best Entertainment Group.

This will be the second engagement for The Facts of Life: The Lost Episode at  Diversionary. In 2012 the show played to sold-out crowds prompting this return. The original cast returns.

Directly following the run of “Facts” the same creative team will present Morris’ creepy parody The Silence of the Clams opening April 23 for a two week run.

Based on the Oscar-winning film, Clams finds butch FBI agent Clarice Startling assigned to help find Nancy Pelosi’s missing daughter and save her from “Beaver Bob,” a serial killer who skins his victims “down there.” Clarice attempts to gain better insight into the mind of the killer by interviewing Dr. Hannibal Lichter, a convicted psychopath who “eats” his female victims before he kills them. The twisted relationship forces Clarice not only to confront her own psychological demons (when will those CLAMS STOP SCREAMING?!) but leads her face-to-face with a demented killer so evil that even she may not have the courage – or strength – to stop him!

Imagine the Airplane movies married with The Silence of the Lambs.

“Clams” also had its world premiere in Provincetown. In 2007, The Provincetown Banner said, The Silence of the Clams, modeled masterfully after the Academy-Award winning film, creates and instantly perfects a new genital genre, the “vagina joke.” Spread the word, ‘Clams’ is funny, uproarious, provocative and smart.”

When the show played in Las Vegas the reviews were very much the same.
Las Vegas Weekly said “the 75-minute parody plays fast and loose like a John Waters movie. Clams provides the rude jolt of energy that the local theater scene needed-I can’t wait for the company’s next pop-culture victim.”

And the Las Vegas Review Journal said, “Morris goes way beyond impersonation. He gets inside this guy’s skin so thoroughly that you wonder what might have been if Morris’ agent had gotten the original script before Anthony Hopkins. He’s a major talent. He would be the sort of actor worth seeing in just about anything.”

For his role Morris was nominated for Best Actor of the Year in Las Vegas by the Review-Journal’s annual “Tony” Awards.

The Facts of Life Cast:
Jamie Morris as Mrs. Garrett
Charlie Logan as JO
Kevane Coleman as Tootie
Tony Houck as Blair
Ashton Shawver as Natalie

The Silence of the Clambs Cast: 

Jamie Morris as Hannibal
Chad Peterson as Clarice
Charlie Logan as literally everyone else!
The Facts of Life: The Lost Episode runs April 2 through April 19; The Silence of the Clams  runs April 23 through May 3. Both play at Diversionary Theatre (4545 Park Blvd in San Diego’s University Heights). Tickets may be purchased at the box office, online at or by calling the Diversionary box office at 619-220-0097. Single ticket prices ranges from $15 – 30 (Prices are subject to change).



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